Maternal Anxiety

Throughout Perfect Madness the author suggests that maternal anxiety revolves around the perceived notion that the child is the mother’s main focus; “What’s really unique about maternal anxiety today is our belief that if something goes wrong with or for our children, it’s a reflection on us mothers. Because we believe we should be able to control life so perfectly that we can keep bad things from happening” (Warner, 191). In part this is true. However this brings up the age old question of nurture versus nature. From this standpoint, the mother is not totally responsible for her children if she allows them to make their own decisions with guidance from her. I realize that I have just contradicted myself by saying ‘allow,’ thus maybe this notion of control cannot be totally erased. I don’t think it should as long as control is used as guidance and the mother does not take it to the extreme and is able to eventually let go.
Some of this anxiety is seen in the author’s ‘winner take all’ theory. She believes this is the most basic mother anxiety; “they want the best for their kids-and push them to do their very best-in part because they fear they cannot do the best for them “(216). From this the author steps into controversial water when she iterates that as children are prone to this type of overachieving parenting, the child ultimately pursue ideas/ talents in disregard to the way it makes them feel as opposed to what it will look like on a college resume. From my personal experience one did not think about college and its requirements until the second-third year of high-school. The people I know played sports and were involved in certain activities that they enjoyed because of that enjoyment, there was never an ulterior motive. The mother may have thought so, but I think she would more or less look to the child’s happiness while still keeping a grip on a future reality i.e. college.
In today’s world college is a necessary step. This in turn reflects the proposed problem of failing public schools as they increase their focus on test prep rather than substantive learning. I agree that public learning needs to change, but without other funding, find it unlikely to do so. In attending public school I have seen first- hand how this method affects learning. I realize this mostly through the English department. There seems to be a lot of literature that I have not read as opposed to other people who have attended private schools, or even more financially developed public schools.
Aside from this there was something in the author’s mother anxiety in which she made the comment that increasingly mothers find themselves choosing between career and children. I would love to know how she would respond to my family. I am one of four children, but my parents are both middle school P.E. and choir teachers. They thus not only have four children at home to deal with, but around 210 children not their own to deal with every single weekday. Their anxiety I imagine would be even greater than these mothers/fathers yet they chose their job. What does this in turn say about the parent who ultimately chooses the anxiety of children as a career?