Taboo

Taboo: a social or cultural prohibition. Rachel in the World is about a mother’s perspective for her special needs child. In class we were asked to think about the taboo nature of the ‘special needs’ topic. I’m not sure the taboo is in writing about a special needs child, so much as reading about it. In writing about the subject, you have most likely experienced it. As readers what are we supposed to take away – pity, empathy, fear that this could happen to us? It is not that this topic is not important, I just think there is a part of every person that idealizes and hopes for normalcy and the confrontation of anything other than normal is taboo. Thus, unless one has had a special needs child; it is highly unlikely the subject matter will ever be read about. This lack of reading therefore translates into the lack of material written.
The taboo brings about the question of how I, as not only a reader, but a person, should connect. I personally know a family with a special needs child: Charlie. Their older children used to babysit us. The interaction between my family and Charlie was somewhat limited. The family encouraged as much interaction with Charlie as possible, but there was still a distance that only the immediate family could tap into. This is perhaps because they felt that they understood him best and had the experience to deal with him as a person. In this sense, I see the similarities and can perhaps relate more to Jane Bernstein and Rachel as individuals and as a family.
In understanding the needs of a special needs child, I like the way Jane Bernstein illuminates her daughter with that of the family’s elderly Uncle Ben. AS much as the memoir previously alienates the reader from the writer, this is perhaps the most accessible passage. As wide as the gap is in age, the structure of thought that corresponds between Rachel and Ben melds them into one person. Ben can only seems to care and ask about Rose; Rachel, her watch. Although I understand the purpose of this compositional simile, why is it so much easier to understand from the terms of an elderly man than a special needs child? Is it due to the fact that most people in their lifetime will deal with an elderly character than a special needs child? In this case, I must once again refer to the taboo nature of the topic. Why is it alright to feel pity, sympathy, empathy towards an older person rather than a special needs child? Why is the fear so much less? Does this have a backdrop of normalcy; a resignation that every person will one day be that older person? In seeking the answer to these questions, it is important to note that the family involving Ben has had a hard time dealing with his continuous focus on Rose. As Ben grows even older he becomes more dependent. This is a divergence and necessary counter to Rachel. As she grows older, she seems to become more independent.
Aside from the taboo topic, Rachel in the World also brings back a minor theme that we have discussed in prior works; the need for independence. Unlike previous works where the need for independence was limited to the just the mother, Rachel is included. This need for independence is mirrored by mother and daughter in two subjects: activity and space. The activity that Rachel finds independence in is swimming, her mother: writing. The independence of space is found by Rachel when she attends camp while her mother goes to their cabin. Independence, however, does not always have a positive connotation. Bernstein and her husband experienced the same set of emotions when acknowledging their daughter’s needs, yet dealt independently. Bernstein found herself searching for answers wherever she could, her husband choosing to deal in his silent way. In all of these circumstances the mother and teacher become separate. Bernstein even comments when Rachel was swimming independently, “it was the pleasure of simply being with her - not cuing her or coaching her or working with flash cards” (20). This in itself is interesting as Jane Bernstein is a professor, but that’s beside the point. I at times wonder when reading, how Bernstein establishes herself as a mother and not a teacher, other than the obvious vocalization of the subject.
Both of my parents are teachers. Sometimes when they come home they find it hard to drop their teacher persona. There are many times when they have said don’t fight, you are just like the kids at school, or we get enough of that at school. Even when we need help with homework, they sometimes take on that ‘teacher’ voice. If my parents can’t always separate themselves, how does Bernstein manage to draw that fine line between motherhood and teacher? Are these roles in fact one in the same? Does the mother not always become the teacher of life, of mistakes, etc? I guess it’s just more prominent and clearly understood when a parent has a child who will always be a continuous student.