Only the Mother is the Best Mother

Throughout this entire piece of literature, it seems to me that Cusk has continually found that advice from books, family, doctors etc. has been greatly different from her own experiences as a mother. At one point she realizes she is in “uncharted territory” when her daughter’s crying maxes out a timetable suggested by a doctor for how long to let a baby cry when trying to teach them to sleep for the entire night. I think there are situations which arise that cannot fit any prescribed formula, in this way the instinct of motherhood takes over. Cusk , however, seems to continue with the mindset that she is not different. I get sort of frustrated when reading her work as she takes and applies advice when it has continually failed. I realize that this experience is entirely new and scary, but is there not some sort of instinct or common sense that could lead her to a better sense of self, thus a better sense of what her child needs? Furthermore she is taking all of this advice, but the people she trusts had to learn from somewhere…most likely their own experience. I find it hard to believe that everyone had the same exact experience.
Reading the second half of a Life’s Work, I was particularly drawn to Cusk’s determination to find a nanny. She commented on the fact that her own parents raised her and her siblings, occasionally “operating on credit with other families” (144). Cusk is searching for the nanny who could be found “amidst choirs of heavenly angels” (147). From an outside point of view Cusk, without knowing it is searching for herself. Who better to take care of one’s own daughter than the parents? I don’t believe Cusk ever comes to this conclusion; it is more of an acceptance. It continually baffles me that Cusk would search for a nanny when she clearly finds things wrong with them. Yet again she takes the advice of her friends. One tries to warn her about Rosa, and another suggested Celia, whose previous history should have screamed something to the waiting mother. After these two failed she hired a man. Although his history looked clean he was more of a butler as he could barely tolerate holding the baby. I have nothing against nannies or people of different races; however all of these people were from different countries, not one an England native. I don’t know what to make of this. In addition to the foreign nature of her nannies, it is ironic to think that Cusk’s situation is not that foreign. It seems fairly common for parent(s) to search for some alone time. Cusk, much like other mothers, is more preoccupied, afraid and confronted with emotions of guilt and abandonment at having to leave her child. Cusk works upstairs in her study, yet when she leaves her daughter alone with the nannies, she yearns for the interaction between her and her child even more than when they were alone. It is within this that Cusk discovers the nannies are not all that they seem. In this situation, Cusk, I believe, relates to most parents, even though it is not written somewhere.
One particular theme that ran throughout the second half of Cusk’s work was her attention to the male role. In one article the male is all too ready to get rid of his baby, “a ball and chain around his ankle” (126). In another article a man is the father of three children describing how there are no weekends. Cusk is almost outraged at this, “Their (male) outrage is fresh, the protest of the novice. There is something shaming in their objections, for they have arrived in the world of childcare full of revolutionary zeal, of disgust and despair at what they see, and their expostulations, their cries of reform, vibrate with unspoken criticism of those who have lived un-protesting under its regime for so long: the lifers, the long-term residents, women” (129-130). I think this idea relates to my topic before regarding no one is a better mother than the mother. This sentiment however has a different connotation when the male is forced to be the mother. At the same time that Cusk is for this over taking of boundaries by the male, she also feels neglected, perhaps no longer the mother that she was. This is best understood when her daughter bumps her head. Cusk tries to take her into her arms, but the child wanted her father. “I needed to be a mother more than she needed my mothering” (205). This passage particularly hit home for me. This one sentence describes my situation between me and my parents. When I was little I was very sick, my mother became my nurse and sort of left the motherhood role. From this sense I attached myself to my father, wanting him to take care of me more so than my mother. I would look to him to hold me, my mother forced to stand on the sidelines. Looking at this now, I feel sorry for my mother. She was cut off in a sense. To this day I am very much a daddy’s girl, the relationship between my mother and I not as close as that between me and my father. Reading the emotions behind Cusk’s reaction to her daughter’s choice of parenting makes me appreciate my mother even more. She allowed me and Cusk her own daughter, a future, even with an uncut cord of sufficiency.