Charlotte with the retarded sister

Perhaps because I have a sibling who is retarded or maybe because this is my second read through of Rachel in the World, I’m not sure, but I paid close attention to Charlotte’s position within the story. As early on as the introduction, Bernstein makes mention that she will try “to make her feel that the joys and sorrows in her life mattered as much as anything that had happened to Rachel” (Bernstein 4). Throughout the first few chapters the two things that struck me most about Charlotte was how Bernstein tried to handle the responsibilities of a retarded child and a ‘normal’ child equally (living up to this initial statement she made) and even more importantly the identity that makes Charlotte with the retarded sister.
I felt that Bernstein did a good job of acknowledging the difficulty of maintaining certain equality between Charlotte and Rachel. Is it hard for parents to maintain an equality of treatment to all their kids? I know within my own family we joke that my brother is clearly my mom’s favorite. Do parents have a favorite child? Is that fair? But more specifically what about the special needs child? Their needs are greater than most children; therefore the equality amongst other siblings seems to differ more. I never got the impression that Charlotte was loved less than Rachel, but more so, that Rachel needed more. Bernstein acknowledges how Charlotte felt Rachel was loved more because she wrote about her more often. I do not feel this was the case, but maybe if Charlotte had had another sibling to share this feeling with things would have been easier on her in terms of feeling equally loved. I wonder if it would have been easier for both Bernstein and Charlotte if there had been multiple siblings. In certain situations, could more children be easier in terms of dealing with equality or only more burdensome because there are more? I know that in my own family there are times when my retarded brother has to come first or seems to need more attention, but I never felt the way Charlotte seems to be portrayed. Could it be because I have two other ‘normal’ siblings to share this with?
The passage that I found most interesting relating to Charlotte thus far was that of Charlotte’s first day at her new school. Bernstein acknowledges its importance, but then addresses Charlotte’s identity: “Soon enough she will dress the way she likes, grow her hair, get contact lenses, make good friends, and still she will remain Charlotte with the retarded sister—just as she was from the start” (Bernstein 36). This last part of the sentence really stuck out for me. There seems to be a particular identity put upon children in our culture if they are an only child, a middle child, the baby of the family, or the oldest child. Different stereotypes and personality traits are marked for children depending upon their classification within a family. But what about the sibling who has a brother or sister who is retarded. How are they classified? I’ve never thought of myself as Amanda with the retarded brother. Yet, his existence and relationship to me is a part of my identity. I feel that in my own case and Charlotte’s, a retarded sibling does affect identity of oneself. How much is a child’s identity affected by their position in the family, whether they are the baby of the family or the child with a retarded sibling?