My focus throughout all of our recent readings - which I expect to remain my focus throughout the rest of the course - is the role of the father in parenting. I think I am especially curious about it when the material is presented through the mother's lens. I found the absense of the father in Cusk's work to be dissatisfying. Her explanation that this was because she wanted to focus exclusively on motherhood seems insufficient. I think that part of motherhood is its relation to fatherhood, and vice versa. I think that I witheld sympathy for Cusk amidst the difficulties she faced because I did not know how much her partner was suffering. It seemed that she thought herself to be the only affected person. There were glimpses of her husband once they started bottle feeding, but what else was he doing? I would like to know how much Cusk's mothering excluded the father, and how much it demanded of him. Is it easy to go to work every day, sleep poorly at night, while dealing with an infant and an incredibly stressed out wife? I would suspect that it is not.
While I was criticial of Cusk in A Life's Work, I was criticial of the father in Rachel in the World. Bernstein didn't dwell much on their separation, so it was difficult to tell how much she was bothered that she had become Rachel's sole guardian. His illness seems to be a somewhat legitimate excuse, the stress and fatigue that Rachel causes would most likely be detrimental. But why, even when they were together, was Bernstein the only one to try to discipline Rachel? The husband is repeatedly described as being the only one who can accept Rachel as she is, who doesn't try to impose the world upon her. Is this fair to Bernstein? She doesn't seem to mind, even thinks his role is important, but it suggests that she is the only one trying to impose a needed structure in her daughter's life. It also seems unfair that he would basically hang Bernstein out to dry, as the only victim of the "I hate you."
So what does the father feel when he doesn't have to live with Rachel? Relief? Guilt? Both? Is it guilt that prevents him from contacting Rachel? Why doesn't he have the craving, the excitement to see Rachel, that Bernstein has in Israel? Does he feel bad about leaving Rachel to do all of the work? I suppose this is actually indicative of a larger question about the world - what is it like for single parents, and for the parent who is not being a parent?
1 comment:
David: I really appreciate the perspective you bring to these readings; when I first conceived of this class is was a class about motherhood and my colleagues encouraged me to make it about both parents. And so that's why we will be getting a more direct sense of the father's perspective in the coming readings. I also agree that Rachel's father is problematically distant, in every sense of the word. It's tragic, but it somehow ends up being yet another one of the many burdens that Bernstein has to shoulder. There's single parenthood, and then there's single parenthood of a special needs child!
Post a Comment