A Child's Role as Peacemaker

Of all of the many things that strike me as I read Alternadad¸ I was very moved by a concept that Pollack mentions very briefly. In chapter 16, as he is trapped at his in-laws for the holidays, it seems only natural that tension will build and escalate into verbal drama. As the events in the chapter unfold, I thought it was very insightful and intriguing when Pollack called his son a “peacemaker.” He writes on page 268, “My son had become a peacemaker, and I was glad. Wasn’t that one of the reason you had kids? Sometimes a marriage needs a referee, and no one would ever know us as well as he did.” Obviously, as with many things ideas set forth by the various authors we have read in this class, I am struck by ideas that I can really relate to. And I think that the idea of a child’s purpose as a referee is very realistic. Many times I have served as a referee, whether I was conscious of it or not. Often times, in my refereeing, I never had to use the “whistle,” so to speak. And that is why I think that Pollack’s concept holds such truth. It’s like the job of a child to step in, without even knowing it, in order to ground a husband and wife. Sometimes a child is successful, other times they are not. Sometimes a child will be victimized by this concept, but regardless, a child does have this obligation as a referee and it is interesting to see what side they will take, or if they remain neutral only to resolve the situation and maintain peace between his or her parents.
I think that since this was the first time I really thought about a child’s role with respect to a peaceful dynamic between his or her parents, I was really engaged. However, I think that it is a good thing that I never really considered this concept because if this was brought to the attention of every husband and wife, the privilege of a referee as an offspring would be abused. Also if a child was aware of their role as a peacemaker, it might affect their livelihood and create problems with them, they might feel guilty. Maybe Pollack can only get away with acknowledging it because Elijah is so young.
Although a child can be a unifying commodity, it is never good to use a child as a device used to leverage power or pride. Luckily, although I have played the role of referee, I have never been made to feel guilty about when to step in or whose side to take. It is also interesting to see a child presented in a positive way, rather than as an annoying and time-consuming burden.