ALTERnadad

The first section of Alternadad is very different from anything I have read so far. I was initially put off by the crude style of The Kid by Dan Savage, but Neal Pollack takes this to a whole new level. It’s not necessarily the language that puts me off, but rather the actions that Pollack takes. In part I understand that his eccentric lifestyle as a young adult and the company he kept framed his actions and personality, but it is also that environment that puzzles me. Pollack mentions that he felt that some of the people he knew shouldn’t be parents. He questions one couple’s ability to parent as they attributed their daughter’s conception to a bottle of wine, lack of birth control, and a Hawkwind album (11). In this case the child seems an accident. Pollack criticizes this type of parenthood, relaying that a café where people smoked is no place for a child. These actions he suggested are “emblematic of the culture of the neighborhood” (15). This brings up the ultimate question of ‘Why Children?’ With this framework in mind the memoir than proceeds to describe Pollack’s beginning relationship with his wife and how they brought Elijah into the world. Pollack and his wife attempt to have a natural birth, but needless to say things go wrong. At one point Pollack fears losing the baby and his wife. The raw emotion/tone that he sets up here really emphasizes his readiness to be both a husband and father, which I applaud him for. However, it is the lifestyle that he and Regina lead that I find almost hypocritical. Throughout the pregnancy Regina becomes the mother that we have seen in so many other readings. She takes the time to read everything she can get her hands on, is careful with her body etc. The one difference is that she pursues a natural birth. That aside, we then get an accurate description of Pollack. Now as this is written by Pollack I have no choice but to take what he has written about himself seriously. Time and time again Pollack mentions that he drinks and smokes weed, with Regina’s consent no less. I don’t know if I am totally naïve, but this is just wrong behavior for a dad like symbol. Pollack even mentioned that a dad should be someone who eats a hotdog at Costco which seems pretty ordinary to me. Even Dan and Terry gave up their excessive parties etc. to raise a son. Pollack seems to be critical of the parent type he seems to be enabling. Although I myself am critical of this lifestyle, I cannot fully criticize all of Pollack’s actions. He does take the time and effort to find suitable housing for his wife and future child. In this sense he is the provider; an a-typical role of fatherhood. Having the prologue helped me not be overly judgmental of Pollack. Whether that decision was his or the editors, I appreciate it. What we see in the prologue is a man who is tired from staying up with his son, ready to fulfill the responsibility of fatherhood, no matter how tired he is. This in itself is a change from previous fatherhood roles where the father was absent. In a sense I expected Alternadad to be a more representative role of fatherhood in the sense that he would essentially play the ‘mother’ role. In not fulfilling this expectation Alternadad has opened my eyes to several different types of parenthood, otherwise invisible to me.