Testing the Water

I agree with the previous blogs in that the theme for these women’s problems stem around poor communication. They seem to be able to communicate more freely with the anonymous reader than that of their live in partner. The one time that the author of Moving in. Moving Out. Moving On. tried to confront her partner, she ended up letting him win the same argument over and over; perhaps a testament to what she considered love? All of these women had some sort of preconceived notion about the proper way to go about relationships and how they should act once engaged in them via family members or acquaintances. Most of these women had goals; to be married or find the right man by _ age; not become like my mother, my parents. However, in pursuing these goals, each woman found herself in a living situation where her fantasy did not match her reality. They became more or less victims of their own imaginations, failing to notice until it was too late. I have to applaud each woman however, in that writing these essays each came to her own conclusion, her own epiphany about what worked for her, not what worked for the previous generation. This is a lesson that every person should take away. To be an individual means to find an individual answer. The collaboration of these four essays reveals similar experiences especially in the type of man each woman found herself living with. Each woman had a goal and in an attempt to put that goal on the fast track most found themselves miserable, thus perhaps a signal to those reading these essays that life is meant to be lived in, not raced through. I realize that some of these women were afraid due to their late ages, but Moving in. Moving Out. Moving On. says it best that she “will meet someone I want to marry who will also want to marry me” (44). That motivation of ‘want’ is key in every essay not just hers. The want however needs to communicate from both partners.
One suggestion that was briefly touched on in class was the perpetual normalcy of moving in first then getting married. Growing up I was always taught that one first gets married then moves in together. I still have this mind set thus I have come to the conclusion that communication was not the only problem surrounding these women’s situation. Along with marriage comes a certain motivation engraved in the contract/sanctity of marriage. When one marries one is forced to compromise, forced to talk with his or her partner, otherwise the relationship would never work. By moving in before marriage, I see the situation as a tool, a ‘testing the waters’ if you will. When difficulties in the relationship appear it becomes too easy to remove oneself from that situation by moving out. Although most of these authors spent quite a lot of time with their partner, I don’t feel that the situation would be the same if they were married. How many of these men, let alone women would commit to marriage? Would the possible looming of divorce make each couple work harder; would their decision to move in be less spur of the moment? These are just a few questions to consider. So the ultimate question becomes Would marriage change the way these women entered and handled their relationships?
I have seen all too well with my own family how bizarre live in boy/girl friend circumstances can be. Although none of these women were pregnant, that is how my cousin’s relationship was complicated. They chose not to get married, but to still live in the same house. Later when the child was born they couldn’t stand each other, the girlfriend moved out. The situation became more peculiar as even though they were separated she probably lived there more often than she would have had they been living together. At one point she had a permanent room in his house. Currently she has fully moved back in, yet they are still not married. This situation is kind of like Crossing to Safety. So to this woman there is still hope of making it after living apart for so long.