Moving In

I have to agree with David's post as I recently moved in with my boyfriend. It seems a very long way away from engagement but each of these essays still seemed incredibly relevant to my own situation. I also found myself asking my boyfriend through each essay is this us? Do we have an unbalanced share of monetary or emotional support? Does one of us cook more? Does one clean more? I found myself tallying up the scores in my head just as E.S. Maduro claimed to do. But I came to the same conclusion as David in that the first thing I did with my tally was brought it to my partner for both of us to equally inspect. Does he feel that he cleans more than I do? Did I repay him for the dinner we bought together last week? But by the end of the list we had come to an agreement. I'm ok with cooking dinner as long as he cleans afterwards and it doesn't matter if what I do is feminine and what he does is masculine as long as it remains fair. The thing that separates us from the couples in these essays is exactly what David said, the communication. As I plunge into this brand new experience of sharing space and home I hope that I can remember that communicating is the first step to solving most anything.

It was mentioned in class that the norm has changed from marriage before moving in to the opposite and how getting engaged before moving in can seem feminist in the sense that the female partner is gaining power from that relationship, rather than being exploited as some of the essay writers seemed to be from just living with someone. I've always viewed myself as a strong woman who will never fall into the pattern that the women in my family have, a marriage where they seem to serve rather than have a partnership. To think of taking the weaker path by moving in before getting a commitment really stretched my perspective. However, after thinking it over I think I am still in a stronger position having lived with my boyfriend before marriage in order to know him as well as possible. How could I make a commitment for the rest of my life without knowing exactly what I was committing to. Without that knowledge I would be being dishonest knowing that my commitment might fail. I'd much rather know. Hopefully I am not merely making excuses to ensure that my own relationship is healthy and fair, but I really feel that this will work and that the communication that I have learned from these essays will help make it so.