Searching for Bobby Fischer has been an enjoyable movie so far. I'm getting a kick out of the many glances between Josh and the cocky little collared shirt kid. I do have trouble believing that CLCS kid has been playing chess constantly since age 4. How would you even know if a kid is good at chess at age 4? I guess if the kid was actually playing then it might be a good sign. But if you've got a kid who can play chess well at that age, wouldn't that mean you've got a kid who is probably going to be really smart at other things too? Why go all in for chess?
Anyway, I was pretty disappointed with the dad when Josh was asking him what would happen if he lost. How is, "It's not going to happen, don't worry about it?" a good answer? That's just saying that a loss is incomprehensible and possibly incomprehensibly bad. Would it have been so hard to say something like, "Well, then we'll go home, have dinner, you'll go to school on Monday, practice some more, and then get 'em again at the next one."
This is also kind of something I've talked about with Katie. Should a kid be doing lots of things or focusing on just one thing? I never had a thing growing up, but Katie was really into riding - competitions, every day at the barn, every summer at the barn, that sort of thing. I guess I think that if that's what the kid wants to do, then sure, do the one thing and be good at it. But then there is that line of when do I push the kid to be really good? Josh obviously likes chess, but does he want to be really good? The dad sees that potential and is ready to push, but the mom does not want to push. Who is right? Suppose kid does turn out really, really good, but isn't happy or well-adjusted? Was it worth it? What if kid turns out happy anyway? What if he doesn't actually turn out really good? What if he turns out unhappy even without being pushed? Is not pushing just a concession, a deprivation of the chance to even be really good? Is it that important to be really good? What is good enough? I hope I have a kid that's just above-average and don't have to worry about this. But then am I limiting my kid already by not wanting him/her to have some sort of outstanding attribute? Ahh! I don't know!
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Or could the child be limited by being pressured toward a sort of brilliance?
A friend from Beijing asked me how he should raise his son. Should he choose paths he knows are best (as his parents did for him), or should he let his son figure it out for himself? He remembered his parents telling him as a child that he was too short to play basketball. As a child he did not understand why he was too short to play basketball, so that was particularly frustrating.
I think we are often shaped by events beyond our control. You simply cannot make a child everything you want. You want to guide your children wisely, as one who has seen more. But you don't want to reign in the children so much that you stifle their passion.
There was a first round draft pick in the NFL a decade or so ago whose dead trained him all his life to be a first round draft pick. He was a major bust. As soon as he was free from his dad, he became more interested in drugs, women, and surfing.
But then again, maybe the problem was with the pursuit. It is a difficult question. I think it is good to err on the side of freedom though.
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